Here I am, Now What?

There are many times in life when we find ourselves in situations or places that are foreign to us.  Things such as the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, divorce or even moving to a different area or perhaps even a new country may leave us feeling displaced or alone.

During these times, these situations, we will run a gamut of emotions; fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, perhaps in the case of moving even excitement.  You get the picture.  What is our best defence in these situations?  Finding a support system in people who are either going through a similar situation or have gone through it.  My belief is that experience is the best teacher.  When you have UNDERSTANDING of a situation rather than EMPATHY for it, you have so much more to offer.  Knowing the emotions and feelings of a situation is a much more effective way to help another, more effective than any book knowledge.  We all need someone we can turn to or rely on to help us through the most difficult of times.

Believing in yourself and your strength to get through it and get on with it is also very important.  When we are challenged we learn about ourselves and our strengths.  Think of a situation where your initial thought was, “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this!”  Now think about how you did get through it, who did you rely on, what resources did you use, what strength or determination did it take for you to get there?  We are far more powerful and capable than we ever would imagine.

Make a plan, set some goals, and take charge of the situation to the best of your ability.  Some situations we create ourselves and we have to live with the consequences.  Other situations just seem to happen to us, an unexpected death in the family for example or being downsized or fired from a job.  In any case, if we take charge as best we can we will at least feel like we have some say in what happens next.  We cannot change the past, we can only deal with the present and prepare for the future.

So here you are, now what?  Let’s say you have moved to a new country.  (A wonderful new friend of mine has specifically asked for me to include this in my blog) Unfamiliar territory, new faces, and foreign languages are some of the challenges one will face.  Just think of a newcomer trying to understand the idioms of our foreign language. 

For example, a newcomer might hear the following:

·         “What’s the damage?” and wonder who did something wrong when in reality it means, “How much does something cost?” 

·          “Put on your thinking cap” this means you think very hard about something.

·         “In the dark” means you don’t know what is happening around you.  Kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?

·         “Full speed ahead” – If people do something with all their enthusiasm and energy, they go full speed ahead.

·         “Don’t knock it” (often used with “Till you try it”) – don’t criticize it.

·         “They wear their heart on their sleeve – means that their feelings/emotions are very obvious. You can easily see them

There are many resources online to assist us to understand the idioms that are used in our English language. I just did a Google search and followed some of the links.  I found this site that has worksheets that might be of use http://www.stickyball.net/idioms/199.html  Again, there will likely be many others.

Now in fairness to all of my readers there are other situations that we find ourselves in that are foreign to us.  The unexpected death of a loved one or the end of a marriage, which in and of itself is like a death, an end.  This becomes a foreign land.  You are suddenly a single, no longer a couple.  There is a foreign language – widow/widower, single parent.  There are many new emotions – fear, anxiety, stress, loneliness, uncertainty.  Your future seems unclear and what once was familiar is now unfamiliar.  Even the simple motions of getting through the day, socializing, and coming home to an empty house – it changes everything.  I know I’ve experienced this firsthand.  Even if it wasn’t an ideal situation you still mourn the loss and go through a grieving process.  

My encouragement in any challenging or unfamiliar situation is to find support.  In these times there are support groups for everything, seriously!  You never have to feel alone or foreign in your own situation.  Once you find others who have gone through, or are going through, what you are you will no longer feel like a foreigner but a part of a group, a family if you will.

We all need someone we can relate to, depend on to help us through our most difficult of times.  Sometimes that can be found even in strangers who become our biggest source of support.  Get out there and find yours!

Until next time,

Val