Esteemed or Not Esteemed - That is the Question

Let's take a look at what self-esteem is.  In simple language – self-esteem is what we think of ourselves, how much we value ourselves and recognize our worth as human beings.  High self-esteem is a good opinion of oneself and low self-esteem is a bad opinion of oneself.

Our level of self-esteem is dependent upon our life experiences.  Factors such as how we were parented, our school experiences and the state of our relationships all play an important part in shaping our self-esteem.  For example, my parents were authoritarian parents meaning I did what I was told, when I was told and how I was told without arguing or questioning.  This type of parenting does not allow for cross-communication which is vital to healthy relationships.  Therefore, instead of nurturing self-esteem this type of parenting actually hinders it.

In order for children or adults to gain self-esteem we need to know that we are loved, valued and respected.   What on: Admissionsmy,  communication we can do as parents is adapt what our parents did well and carry that on to our children.  On the same token, we can assess what they may not have done very effectively and modify it for a more positive outcome.  Without such a process the default would be to parent in the same way that we were parented thus producing a similar result – lack of self-esteem.

Furthermore, our school years have a huge impact on how we see ourselves and how we feel we fit into society.  If we had positive experiences i.e., being a popular student or teacher’s pet, our esteem would be built up.  However, if we were bullied or chastised often by the teacher or other adults our sense of self-worth is damaged. 

Adolescence is a story of its own.   How we perceive ourselves going into it is going to hugely impact our behaviours and decisions.  A person of high self-esteem may still find themselves challenged but will often make good decisions and feel good about who they are, how they fit in and where they are going.  However, when we have low self-esteem our choices are determined by our need to feel loved and accepted, to fit into society or a certain group.  This can lead us in the wrong direction.

How we then move forward into our adult relationships is affected by what has previously transpired in our life experience.  Do we easily trust those around us or do we need constant reassurance?  Lack of self-esteem, from my own experience, leaves us needing to feel loved and accepted.  There are cases where our need to be loved and to feel like we belong overshadows making wise decisions about the relationships we get into.

I encourage you to assess your life up to this point.  Have you had nurturing, esteem-building experiences?  Find the positives and write them in a notebook or journal.  What instances have damaged your self-esteem?  Acknowledge those occurrences and determine within yourself to forgive what happened.  You cannot change what was, you cannot change other people or their actions but you CAN change how you respond to it and how you move forward. 

So how do we help to build our own self-esteem?  I’m glad you asked! 

Surround yourself with people who are positive and who encourage you to be the best that you can be. 

Challenge yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do but thought you couldn’t.  You will surprise yourself!  For example, I tried skiing for the first time last winter.  I quite enjoyed it but I wasn’t really good at it.  Did I fail at skiing?  No, I succeeded at challenging myself and having a new experience.  In the same way, step out of your comfort zone.  Even if you aren’t the best at whatever you have tried, you still learned something about yourself, you have grown as a person and you can move on to another challenge!

Help others if you have time and opportunity.  You will have new experiences and meet new people.  You will feel good about making a difference in the lives of others.

Eat well and exercise to feel good physically from the inside out.  Being healthy and strong will also help your mental attitude and image of yourself.

Take time to do something for you like your favourite sport, sewing, painting or a class at a local high school or college.  You will be able to take pride in what you have accomplished, thus, raising your self-esteem.

Get something done that is nagging at you.  Clean out the closet, write that thank-you letter or visit that friend you’ve been meaning to see (I’m lacking in this area myself).  You will feel great about getting it done.

Learn to say “No.”  It’s ok to say no when you are already overloaded with things to do.  Simply explain that with all that you have going on you may not be able to give your full time and attention to their task and they would be better off finding someone else to help. 

In closing, self-esteem is different than self-confidence which I will write about next time.

Thank you for reading and I sure hope you will visit my blog again!

Until next time,

Val