You, Me and The Five Love Languages

I love you, you love me, but are we speaking the right love language? 

Dr. Gary Chapman has outlined what he sees as the Five Love Languages.  These consist of the following:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

Knowing our own love language and those of our loved ones will make for a stronger and more mutually satisfying relationship.

Loving and being loved is an innate human need.  We all need the security of feeling that we are loved, respected and needed.  How we were loved, or not as the case may be, from childhood and into adulthood has a huge impact on our self-esteem - what we think of ourselves and how we value ourselves.  This also determines how we love others and teach our children to love.

Let's look at each of the love languages - what they are and how they relate to each of us.

Words of Affirmation:

• Actions don't always speak louder than words.  If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.
• Hearing the words, "I love you," are important-hearing the reasons behind that love send your spirits skyward.
• Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time:

• In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention.
• Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there-with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby-makes your significant other feel truly special and loved.
• Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts:

• Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.
• If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.
• A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous-so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service:

• Can Vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love?  Absolutely!!! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes.
• The words he or she most wan to hear: "Let me do that for you."
• Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speaker of this language their feelings don't matter.

Physical Touch:

• This language isn't all bout the bedroom.  A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy.
• Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face-they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.
• Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

So from the above, have you figured out what your love language is?  We all will enjoy each of these without doubt but I feel confident that we do all have a dominant love language.  I mean who wouldn't want to receive gifts, have a hug, hear words of praise, spend time with a loved one, or have something done for them?  I know I would!  However, I would say that my primary love language seems to be words of affirmation.  When I receive positive feedback or words of praise from my loved ones, that means so very much to me and makes me feel valued and loved.

So once you have figured out your own primary love language, think about your loved ones.  Does your husband/spouse light up when you present them with a gift?  Does a date night seem to make him/her most excited and happy?  What are your children's primary love language?  Pay attention to the clues that tell you what makes them feel most valued and loved and then speak that language often.  This will strengthen your relationship and make you feel great in the process.

As always, thanks for visiting!

Until next time,

Val