Hello Dear Readers,
I am so very excited to let you all know that I will be holding workshops at the Women's Resource Centre in Beamsville. To the left of this post is a link to the Facebook invitation.
It is very exciting to have this partnership with the centre and I look forward to meeting alot of new women who have an interest in their personal growth.
There is a nominal charge of $5 per evening to help offset the cost of the programs. Please pre-register so that I know who to expect and I can have materials ready for you.
Come on and check it out. Bring a friend for some great evenings of learning, growing, and sharing.
I hope to see you there.
Until next time,
Val
Wednesday 7 September 2011
Monday 29 August 2011
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Things happen and sometimes you don't even see it coming.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Denial will keep us from taking ownership and moving forward.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
You begin to see there is something different but what IS has become your "normal", good, bad, or otherwise. You see you've just made some bad choices - you can move forward.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
It may not be easy but steer clear of the situation in your life that is signified by the hole!
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
Make an absolute change to a different attitude, a different, healthier way of living.
Thank you Portia! for this analagy - I have lived it!!
~ Portia Nelson ~
(There's a Hole in My Sidewalk)
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Dog Days of Summer
Wow, it's so hard to believe how fast summer is passing by. It is a busy time for all of us yet it is supposed to be vacation, isn't it?
I hope you have all had a wonderful summer so far and are remembering to be good to yourselves as well.
It is important to make time, take time for yourself to rejeuvenate and fill your spirit so you can be the best you!
What do you do to relax? How do you find your inner peace and sanity? Do you take care of you when you are sick?
I'd like for you to answer the questions above in the comments section so we can share with each other. I'll look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time,
Val
I hope you have all had a wonderful summer so far and are remembering to be good to yourselves as well.
It is important to make time, take time for yourself to rejeuvenate and fill your spirit so you can be the best you!
What do you do to relax? How do you find your inner peace and sanity? Do you take care of you when you are sick?
I'd like for you to answer the questions above in the comments section so we can share with each other. I'll look forward to hearing from you.
Until next time,
Val
Thursday 9 June 2011
Here I am, Now What?
There are many times in life when we find ourselves in situations or places that are foreign to us. Things such as the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, divorce or even moving to a different area or perhaps even a new country may leave us feeling displaced or alone.
During these times, these situations, we will run a gamut of emotions; fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, perhaps in the case of moving even excitement. You get the picture. What is our best defence in these situations? Finding a support system in people who are either going through a similar situation or have gone through it. My belief is that experience is the best teacher. When you have UNDERSTANDING of a situation rather than EMPATHY for it, you have so much more to offer. Knowing the emotions and feelings of a situation is a much more effective way to help another, more effective than any book knowledge. We all need someone we can turn to or rely on to help us through the most difficult of times.
Believing in yourself and your strength to get through it and get on with it is also very important. When we are challenged we learn about ourselves and our strengths. Think of a situation where your initial thought was, “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this!” Now think about how you did get through it, who did you rely on, what resources did you use, what strength or determination did it take for you to get there? We are far more powerful and capable than we ever would imagine.
Make a plan, set some goals, and take charge of the situation to the best of your ability. Some situations we create ourselves and we have to live with the consequences. Other situations just seem to happen to us, an unexpected death in the family for example or being downsized or fired from a job. In any case, if we take charge as best we can we will at least feel like we have some say in what happens next. We cannot change the past, we can only deal with the present and prepare for the future.
So here you are, now what? Let’s say you have moved to a new country. (A wonderful new friend of mine has specifically asked for me to include this in my blog) Unfamiliar territory, new faces, and foreign languages are some of the challenges one will face. Just think of a newcomer trying to understand the idioms of our foreign language.
For example, a newcomer might hear the following:
· “What’s the damage?” and wonder who did something wrong when in reality it means, “How much does something cost?”
· “Put on your thinking cap” this means you think very hard about something.
· “In the dark” means you don’t know what is happening around you. Kind of makes sense, doesn’t it?
· “Full speed ahead” – If people do something with all their enthusiasm and energy, they go full speed ahead.
· “Don’t knock it” (often used with “Till you try it”) – don’t criticize it.
· “They wear their heart on their sleeve – means that their feelings/emotions are very obvious. You can easily see them
There are many resources online to assist us to understand the idioms that are used in our English language. I just did a Google search and followed some of the links. I found this site that has worksheets that might be of use http://www.stickyball.net/idioms/199.html Again, there will likely be many others.
Now in fairness to all of my readers there are other situations that we find ourselves in that are foreign to us. The unexpected death of a loved one or the end of a marriage, which in and of itself is like a death, an end. This becomes a foreign land. You are suddenly a single, no longer a couple. There is a foreign language – widow/widower, single parent. There are many new emotions – fear, anxiety, stress, loneliness, uncertainty. Your future seems unclear and what once was familiar is now unfamiliar. Even the simple motions of getting through the day, socializing, and coming home to an empty house – it changes everything. I know I’ve experienced this firsthand. Even if it wasn’t an ideal situation you still mourn the loss and go through a grieving process.
My encouragement in any challenging or unfamiliar situation is to find support. In these times there are support groups for everything, seriously! You never have to feel alone or foreign in your own situation. Once you find others who have gone through, or are going through, what you are you will no longer feel like a foreigner but a part of a group, a family if you will.
We all need someone we can relate to, depend on to help us through our most difficult of times. Sometimes that can be found even in strangers who become our biggest source of support. Get out there and find yours!
Until next time,
Val
Sunday 1 May 2011
Lighten Up By Letting Go!
Stuff. We all have ‘stuff’ in our lives. There are many aspects to it, some is imposed on us, some we bring upon ourselves and some is really other peoples' stuff.
Regardless of where it comes from, it has an impact on who we are, how we behave and what we think of ourselves. Is your stuff your own? Do you carry burdens that you need not bear? Do not carry burdens that aren't yours! Analyze what affects you most and where it comes from. The reality is that we will continue to have 'stuff' come into our lives. How we deal with it and especially our ability to let it go is vital to our emotional and physical well being.
What we need to realize is that we cannot change other people, not greatly anyway. Can we change how others behave? Not usually but perhaps in some cases and that's great! We do have the ability to change ourselves, how we behave, and how we react to things. One thing I cannot stress enough is that if we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always gotten. Sometimes we need to get off of the merry-go-round of habits and actions that are not beneficial to our happiness and well being.
Here is a formula that is very helpful to me and I hope you will be able to use it too:
E + R = O
Events + our Reaction = an Outcome
Therefore, if you are always reacting in a similar way to a certain event you will always (usually) get the same outcome. So, if you change the formula to E + O = R you can think of the particular Event with the Outcome that you desire to have and then decide on how you are going to React differently to get that desired Outcome.
Some of the effects of holding on to feelings of past mistakes, guilt, shame or anger are emotional and physical unwellness. They go hand in hand. If you are emotionally unwell, chances are you are going to be physically unwell also. Emotional distress can lead to such things as depression, lethargy (tiredness), and lack of motivation. On the same token, physical sickness can lead to emotional sickness as well. It can be difficult to keep positive when you aren’t feeling well at all.
As we develop the tools for dealing with our emotional and physical well being we will be better equipped to tell those unhealthy thoughts and feelings to back off, to leave us alone. We will then be empowered, more in charge of our emotional and physical health. What a great place to be!
So when we have worked on ourselves, forgiving, letting go, and forgetting those unhealthy thoughts we become more open for good thoughts, good feelings, and positive experiences. We become much more in control of who we want to be. That in turn makes us more the person we want to be giving us more power over where we are going and how we are going to get there.
So I encourage you to let go of the negative, inhale the positive and decide to enjoy your life more!
Until next time,
Val
Regardless of where it comes from, it has an impact on who we are, how we behave and what we think of ourselves. Is your stuff your own? Do you carry burdens that you need not bear? Do not carry burdens that aren't yours! Analyze what affects you most and where it comes from. The reality is that we will continue to have 'stuff' come into our lives. How we deal with it and especially our ability to let it go is vital to our emotional and physical well being.
What we need to realize is that we cannot change other people, not greatly anyway. Can we change how others behave? Not usually but perhaps in some cases and that's great! We do have the ability to change ourselves, how we behave, and how we react to things. One thing I cannot stress enough is that if we always do what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always gotten. Sometimes we need to get off of the merry-go-round of habits and actions that are not beneficial to our happiness and well being.
Here is a formula that is very helpful to me and I hope you will be able to use it too:
E + R = O
Events + our Reaction = an Outcome
Therefore, if you are always reacting in a similar way to a certain event you will always (usually) get the same outcome. So, if you change the formula to E + O = R you can think of the particular Event with the Outcome that you desire to have and then decide on how you are going to React differently to get that desired Outcome.
Some of the effects of holding on to feelings of past mistakes, guilt, shame or anger are emotional and physical unwellness. They go hand in hand. If you are emotionally unwell, chances are you are going to be physically unwell also. Emotional distress can lead to such things as depression, lethargy (tiredness), and lack of motivation. On the same token, physical sickness can lead to emotional sickness as well. It can be difficult to keep positive when you aren’t feeling well at all.
As we develop the tools for dealing with our emotional and physical well being we will be better equipped to tell those unhealthy thoughts and feelings to back off, to leave us alone. We will then be empowered, more in charge of our emotional and physical health. What a great place to be!
So when we have worked on ourselves, forgiving, letting go, and forgetting those unhealthy thoughts we become more open for good thoughts, good feelings, and positive experiences. We become much more in control of who we want to be. That in turn makes us more the person we want to be giving us more power over where we are going and how we are going to get there.
So I encourage you to let go of the negative, inhale the positive and decide to enjoy your life more!
Until next time,
Val
Saturday 23 April 2011
Our Dreams and Goals - Where would we be without them?
Dreams
Ask yourself this question, "What would I do if I had unlimited, time, money and resources?" Go ahead and think about that for a moment, even jot a few things down. I'll wait while you do that........
Well, what did you come up with? Would you sail around the world? Trek through the desert on a camel? Write a book? Stay at the Royal York Hotel in Toronto? (These last two are some of mine) Think of the simplest things and the wildest things you could imagine. Dare to dream!
When you write your dreams down they are more tangible. You get them out of your head and on to paper. Keep a notebook handy so you can write down new dreams as you think of them or scratch off the ones you realize. Imagine that, having a dream fulfilled. Have you had that experience? Didn't it feel great!? What if you had a list of dreams and, while moving through your days you were able to find opportunities to make some of those dreams come true? I've had that experience. My husband and I did this exercise of writing down our dreams list. On my list was to see a NASCAR race. So, Stan knew that this was on my list and when the opportunity arose for him to buy tickets to a race, he was able to do that. He wanted to help me realize one of my dreams! Well, on his list was to visit Gettysburg, Pennsylvania to visit the grounds where the Civil War took place. Also, he wanted to visit the Smithsonian Museums in Washington.
Well, while mapping out the geographical route to my dream, Bristol, Tennessee, he realized that if we headed East instead of straight South, we could realize his dreams and visit Gettysburg AND Washington both on the same trip.
If we had not written down our dreams lists, neither of us would have known what the others dreams were and we would never have likely had those dreams come true. It really was an incredible experience. We shared our dreams and had opportunity to make them happen. What an empowering experience. Now, not all dreams will work out that way. One of my other dreams is to rent a mansion in California for a week or even a month. Will that ever happen? Not necessarily so, but it is a wonderful dream and you never know if that kind of opportunity might come along!
Goals
Now what about our goals? We can meld our dreams into actual goals.
The formula for setting goals is as follows:
S - specific
M - measurable
A - attainable
R - realistic
T - timely or tangible
Make your goal setting very specific - decide on the goal, for example, find a new job. That is a pretty general goal. Get more specific - I will find a new job by June 1. Then set specific targets - I will visit all of the businesses in my desired work location and distribute resumes and cover letters to them all within two weeks. After one week of giving out the resumes I will follow up with a phone call to the businesses to see if there are any questions or missing information that I could provide. Then you can gauge how well you have accomplished your goal. You have a timeframe, you have specific tasks and you can measure your progress along the way.
Go ahead, give it a try. Pick something that you want to accomplish and use this method to work through accomplishing this goal and many others.
Our dreams and goals are a large part of who we are and add to the quality and value of our lives. We own our dreams and we shouldn't allow others to take them away from us - which I have done and I know many others have as well. Come back to you and your dreams. They don't cost anything and they don't take up space.
Dare to dream!
Until next time,
Val
Ask yourself this question, "What would I do if I had unlimited, time, money and resources?" Go ahead and think about that for a moment, even jot a few things down. I'll wait while you do that........
Well, what did you come up with? Would you sail around the world? Trek through the desert on a camel? Write a book? Stay at the Royal York Hotel in Toronto? (These last two are some of mine) Think of the simplest things and the wildest things you could imagine. Dare to dream!
When you write your dreams down they are more tangible. You get them out of your head and on to paper. Keep a notebook handy so you can write down new dreams as you think of them or scratch off the ones you realize. Imagine that, having a dream fulfilled. Have you had that experience? Didn't it feel great!? What if you had a list of dreams and, while moving through your days you were able to find opportunities to make some of those dreams come true? I've had that experience. My husband and I did this exercise of writing down our dreams list. On my list was to see a NASCAR race. So, Stan knew that this was on my list and when the opportunity arose for him to buy tickets to a race, he was able to do that. He wanted to help me realize one of my dreams! Well, on his list was to visit Gettysburg, Pennsylvania to visit the grounds where the Civil War took place. Also, he wanted to visit the Smithsonian Museums in Washington.
Well, while mapping out the geographical route to my dream, Bristol, Tennessee, he realized that if we headed East instead of straight South, we could realize his dreams and visit Gettysburg AND Washington both on the same trip.
If we had not written down our dreams lists, neither of us would have known what the others dreams were and we would never have likely had those dreams come true. It really was an incredible experience. We shared our dreams and had opportunity to make them happen. What an empowering experience. Now, not all dreams will work out that way. One of my other dreams is to rent a mansion in California for a week or even a month. Will that ever happen? Not necessarily so, but it is a wonderful dream and you never know if that kind of opportunity might come along!
Goals
Now what about our goals? We can meld our dreams into actual goals.
The formula for setting goals is as follows:
S - specific
M - measurable
A - attainable
R - realistic
T - timely or tangible
Make your goal setting very specific - decide on the goal, for example, find a new job. That is a pretty general goal. Get more specific - I will find a new job by June 1. Then set specific targets - I will visit all of the businesses in my desired work location and distribute resumes and cover letters to them all within two weeks. After one week of giving out the resumes I will follow up with a phone call to the businesses to see if there are any questions or missing information that I could provide. Then you can gauge how well you have accomplished your goal. You have a timeframe, you have specific tasks and you can measure your progress along the way.
Go ahead, give it a try. Pick something that you want to accomplish and use this method to work through accomplishing this goal and many others.
Our dreams and goals are a large part of who we are and add to the quality and value of our lives. We own our dreams and we shouldn't allow others to take them away from us - which I have done and I know many others have as well. Come back to you and your dreams. They don't cost anything and they don't take up space.
Dare to dream!
Until next time,
Val
Monday 18 April 2011
Taking the Chance and Stepping Out Once Again!
Well I did it! Today I registered my business. It's called Noticeably You. I must admit that the prospect is very exciting but scary at the same time. Now I'll have to get out there networking and promoting my business.
I do understand that many motivational speakers have to make free presentations in order to network their way into paid ones and I am so willing to do that. The message is more important than the money but it sure will feel great to make somewhat of a living at it!
It would be great to be hired to speak to grade seven and eight girls to help them understand self esteem, self confidence and the difference between the two. The ideal would be to have them go into adolescence with a greater understanding of their worth and unique beauty. This may keep them from making some serious mistakes along the way. I'll work on this one!
This will be a challenging experience with quite a learning curve since I have never been closely associated with anyone who has run their own business. I'm up for the challenge of tackling another of my life's goals and doing the best that I can at it. I can't encourage you enough to allow yourself to dream, set some concrete goals and work at making them happen.
What an awesome segue into the lesson for my workshop this week. Our Dreams and Goals. Whether you are in my workshop or not, I sure hope that if you are reading my blog you find some encouragement, excitement and challenge for your own personal and/or professional development.
Until next time,
Val
I do understand that many motivational speakers have to make free presentations in order to network their way into paid ones and I am so willing to do that. The message is more important than the money but it sure will feel great to make somewhat of a living at it!
It would be great to be hired to speak to grade seven and eight girls to help them understand self esteem, self confidence and the difference between the two. The ideal would be to have them go into adolescence with a greater understanding of their worth and unique beauty. This may keep them from making some serious mistakes along the way. I'll work on this one!
This will be a challenging experience with quite a learning curve since I have never been closely associated with anyone who has run their own business. I'm up for the challenge of tackling another of my life's goals and doing the best that I can at it. I can't encourage you enough to allow yourself to dream, set some concrete goals and work at making them happen.
What an awesome segue into the lesson for my workshop this week. Our Dreams and Goals. Whether you are in my workshop or not, I sure hope that if you are reading my blog you find some encouragement, excitement and challenge for your own personal and/or professional development.
Until next time,
Val
Saturday 16 April 2011
Seize The Moment
I had a most wonderful experience in the Chapters Store in Ancaster last evening. I was looking for resources for preparing and promoting a keynote presentation. I was working with the sales lady trying to find suitable material. In doing so, I had the opportunity to tell her why I was looking for such material and I shared with her a bit of my journey to where I am today. She was very interested and was inspired by what I am doing and the journey I have taken to get there. She took down my information for this blog and my Facebook. Unfortunately I didn't get her name. (I sure hope you stop by to read it!)
Then, when I caught up with Stan again I was relaying my most wonderful experience to him. There was a lady within earshot and she heard me saying how the young lady was inspired by my story. So she boldly asked me to explain to her what I was talking about. Her daughter joined us shortly after our meeting. I then took the opportunity to share with them what I am doing and why. At the end we shared contact information and she would like to keep in touch and learn more. I see this as networking - perhaps she will become a contact to run a workshop in the Hamilton area - who knows?
The sense of wholeness I now feel and the inspiration I am gaining from this experience and the ladies in my workshop is simply incredible. It's definitely a win/win situation. As I have told them, I am increasing my self esteem and self confidence as I go along and I am very hopeful that they are gaining the same.
The way I see it, my journey has just begun and I have so many aspirations, hopes and dreams that I will purposefully move toward. For example, I am in the process of creating the outline for my book. It will be a challenging but extremely rewarding undertaking I am sure. I've been researching the publishing of a book which is quite interesting in and of itself. I know that I am a very long way from that but knowledge is power and it is wonderful to be learning something that I really hadn't given thought to before.
Another aspect of finding oneself or validating oneself is personal branding. I have had a Graphic Designer from Thinkink Graphic Design http://www.thinkinkgraphicdesign.ca/ come to design a personal brand for my "business" card. As I don't actually have a business it is simply my personal brand, my contact information. I am extremely excited to release it when we have the final product ready. Thank you to Candace Armstrong - you are a creative genius!
So, as you can see, I am seizing every moment, every opportunity to inspire and encourage others. I'm utilizing every opportunity to network and find opportunities to do what I am loving to do in this moment. Thank you to everyone who is taking this journey with me and I am so privileged to be a part of your journey too. If I can inspire you, encourage you or network with you in any way, please leave a comment and I will surely do what I can.
Until next time!
Val
Then, when I caught up with Stan again I was relaying my most wonderful experience to him. There was a lady within earshot and she heard me saying how the young lady was inspired by my story. So she boldly asked me to explain to her what I was talking about. Her daughter joined us shortly after our meeting. I then took the opportunity to share with them what I am doing and why. At the end we shared contact information and she would like to keep in touch and learn more. I see this as networking - perhaps she will become a contact to run a workshop in the Hamilton area - who knows?
The sense of wholeness I now feel and the inspiration I am gaining from this experience and the ladies in my workshop is simply incredible. It's definitely a win/win situation. As I have told them, I am increasing my self esteem and self confidence as I go along and I am very hopeful that they are gaining the same.
The way I see it, my journey has just begun and I have so many aspirations, hopes and dreams that I will purposefully move toward. For example, I am in the process of creating the outline for my book. It will be a challenging but extremely rewarding undertaking I am sure. I've been researching the publishing of a book which is quite interesting in and of itself. I know that I am a very long way from that but knowledge is power and it is wonderful to be learning something that I really hadn't given thought to before.
Another aspect of finding oneself or validating oneself is personal branding. I have had a Graphic Designer from Thinkink Graphic Design http://www.thinkinkgraphicdesign.ca/ come to design a personal brand for my "business" card. As I don't actually have a business it is simply my personal brand, my contact information. I am extremely excited to release it when we have the final product ready. Thank you to Candace Armstrong - you are a creative genius!
So, as you can see, I am seizing every moment, every opportunity to inspire and encourage others. I'm utilizing every opportunity to network and find opportunities to do what I am loving to do in this moment. Thank you to everyone who is taking this journey with me and I am so privileged to be a part of your journey too. If I can inspire you, encourage you or network with you in any way, please leave a comment and I will surely do what I can.
Until next time!
Val
Wednesday 13 April 2011
What's Your Story?
My workshop today was just amazing! I showed a video of Nick Vujicic. He is a motivational speaker who was born without arms or legs. What an inspiration! You can find the link to the video in the upper left side of this blog.
In viewing his video he spoke of writing a book. Something I, myself, aspire to do. This led me to think about our lives as our own book, our own story. So in your story of life are you sitting comfortably in whatever space you occupy, having your life story read to you? Are you reading the book waiting in suspense to see what will happen next? Or are you the author; writing each chapter deciding each step of the way what will happen, who will be involved and where the story will finish?
I encourage you to take charge of your life. Become your own author, write your own story so that you have choices in the outcome. I do believe that we have what some call destiny for our lives. I also believe that we sometimes make choices that lead us in a direction different from where we were intended to be. That is ok. Even with that, we can find our way past the detour - learning and growing as we go along. This just gives us more experiences, more tools to use on the path that we are intended to be on.
Take notice of most 'motivational speakers'. What are they talking about, what tools are they using to get their message across? They are using their own experiences often, but not always, challenging. It seems the more we are challenged the more we learn. That in part gives us more knowledge and information to share. So, all of our life experiences be they good or bad can certainly be used to the betterment of the human race.
So go ahead, write your own story. Take your challenges and successes and use them to guide and strengthen those around you. That may be in a public forum, much like my workshop, or in a private setting while having coffee with a friend who needs a listening ear. We can't tell people what to do and make them do it. But we CAN share that which we know to help make a difference.
Until next time!
Val
In viewing his video he spoke of writing a book. Something I, myself, aspire to do. This led me to think about our lives as our own book, our own story. So in your story of life are you sitting comfortably in whatever space you occupy, having your life story read to you? Are you reading the book waiting in suspense to see what will happen next? Or are you the author; writing each chapter deciding each step of the way what will happen, who will be involved and where the story will finish?
I encourage you to take charge of your life. Become your own author, write your own story so that you have choices in the outcome. I do believe that we have what some call destiny for our lives. I also believe that we sometimes make choices that lead us in a direction different from where we were intended to be. That is ok. Even with that, we can find our way past the detour - learning and growing as we go along. This just gives us more experiences, more tools to use on the path that we are intended to be on.
Take notice of most 'motivational speakers'. What are they talking about, what tools are they using to get their message across? They are using their own experiences often, but not always, challenging. It seems the more we are challenged the more we learn. That in part gives us more knowledge and information to share. So, all of our life experiences be they good or bad can certainly be used to the betterment of the human race.
So go ahead, write your own story. Take your challenges and successes and use them to guide and strengthen those around you. That may be in a public forum, much like my workshop, or in a private setting while having coffee with a friend who needs a listening ear. We can't tell people what to do and make them do it. But we CAN share that which we know to help make a difference.
Until next time!
Val
Tuesday 12 April 2011
The Great Divide
Are your self-esteem and self-confidence in sync with each other? Do you believe from the inside out that you are a valuable and worthy being? If not, you are residing in the great divide. I've been there and done that. However, through challenging myself, personal, and professional development I have found a place where my self-esteem and self-confidence are more in sync. That being said, I am still a work in progress.
The reality is that we can have self-esteem without having the self-confidence to do such things as public speaking, belonging to associations or volunteering on various committees. It is possible to know your value and worth without recognizing your abilities and talents to really make a difference in the world. On the same token, which was the case for me, I had the self-confidence to be in a crowd, to speak with people, to volunteer at my children's school but I had no self-esteem whatsoever. When I decided to join the International Association of Administrative Professionals (IAAP) I outwardly had the confidence to want to join but my lack of self-esteem was screaming at me on the way to the first meeting, "You stupid, stupid woman. What do you think you are doing? You don't belong there. They are all going to look at you like you don't belong when you walk in." On the contrary I have met the most amazing women who have become my role models. I'm really glad I didn't listen to those voices and turn my car around without going to that meeting. I have had many new experiences due to joining this association; I have travelled in Canada and the US all on my own, I have been Chapter President (Chairing meetings with 30 of my peers) and learned that I am more than capable of handling such responsibilities.
So what IS self-confidence? It is the belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance. Having self-confidence allows you to step outside your comfort zone, stretch your limits and really feel alive.
What damages our self-confidence and keeps us from really living our lives? Fear. I heard a really good acronym for fear while researching for my workshop. It is as follows:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Our fears are the thoughts and ideas we have grown to know or the lies we tell ourselves. Are we, as children, naturally afraid of heights for example? I don't believe so. My opinion is that it is a learned behaviour passed down when our parent or caregiver responds with fear when we are too close to the edge of a cliff. The same can be said for our other fears; being in a crowd, public speaking, bugs or carnival rides. What we learn is what we have come to believe. It is up to us to decide whether our fears are real or an idea that was learned. Of course there are very real fears that we should pay attention to. When we have fears for our personal safety or the safety of those around us, fear for our emotional stability or spiritual well being, we NEED to act immediately. Furthermore, there are more subtle yet very real fears. That feeling in your stomache that nags at you that something is not right or that little voice in your head that warns you about something. Be sure to listen to those indicators of fear that are built in for your personal well being.
It is up to us to evaluate our own self-esteem and self-confidence. This will better enable us in planning where we want to go and what we want to do. YOUR belief in YOU is what matters most. Our only real limitations are those that we impose on ourselves. As Henry Ford once said, "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Think about the power of that statement, again, "Whether you think you can or can't, your're right!"
If you are really in need of a reality check when it comes to your feeling of self, check out this video and then write down exactly what your limitations are and how you are going to overcome them, because you CAN!!!
No Arms, No Legs, No Worries Part 3
You have arms, you have legs, what's your worry?
Until next time!
Val
The reality is that we can have self-esteem without having the self-confidence to do such things as public speaking, belonging to associations or volunteering on various committees. It is possible to know your value and worth without recognizing your abilities and talents to really make a difference in the world. On the same token, which was the case for me, I had the self-confidence to be in a crowd, to speak with people, to volunteer at my children's school but I had no self-esteem whatsoever. When I decided to join the International Association of Administrative Professionals (IAAP) I outwardly had the confidence to want to join but my lack of self-esteem was screaming at me on the way to the first meeting, "You stupid, stupid woman. What do you think you are doing? You don't belong there. They are all going to look at you like you don't belong when you walk in." On the contrary I have met the most amazing women who have become my role models. I'm really glad I didn't listen to those voices and turn my car around without going to that meeting. I have had many new experiences due to joining this association; I have travelled in Canada and the US all on my own, I have been Chapter President (Chairing meetings with 30 of my peers) and learned that I am more than capable of handling such responsibilities.
So what IS self-confidence? It is the belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance. Having self-confidence allows you to step outside your comfort zone, stretch your limits and really feel alive.
What damages our self-confidence and keeps us from really living our lives? Fear. I heard a really good acronym for fear while researching for my workshop. It is as follows:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Our fears are the thoughts and ideas we have grown to know or the lies we tell ourselves. Are we, as children, naturally afraid of heights for example? I don't believe so. My opinion is that it is a learned behaviour passed down when our parent or caregiver responds with fear when we are too close to the edge of a cliff. The same can be said for our other fears; being in a crowd, public speaking, bugs or carnival rides. What we learn is what we have come to believe. It is up to us to decide whether our fears are real or an idea that was learned. Of course there are very real fears that we should pay attention to. When we have fears for our personal safety or the safety of those around us, fear for our emotional stability or spiritual well being, we NEED to act immediately. Furthermore, there are more subtle yet very real fears. That feeling in your stomache that nags at you that something is not right or that little voice in your head that warns you about something. Be sure to listen to those indicators of fear that are built in for your personal well being.
It is up to us to evaluate our own self-esteem and self-confidence. This will better enable us in planning where we want to go and what we want to do. YOUR belief in YOU is what matters most. Our only real limitations are those that we impose on ourselves. As Henry Ford once said, "Whether you think you can or can't, you're right." Think about the power of that statement, again, "Whether you think you can or can't, your're right!"
If you are really in need of a reality check when it comes to your feeling of self, check out this video and then write down exactly what your limitations are and how you are going to overcome them, because you CAN!!!
No Arms, No Legs, No Worries Part 3
You have arms, you have legs, what's your worry?
Until next time!
Val
Friday 8 April 2011
You, Me and The Five Love Languages
I love you, you love me, but are we speaking the right love language?
Dr. Gary Chapman has outlined what he sees as the Five Love Languages. These consist of the following:
Loving and being loved is an innate human need. We all need the security of feeling that we are loved, respected and needed. How we were loved, or not as the case may be, from childhood and into adulthood has a huge impact on our self-esteem - what we think of ourselves and how we value ourselves. This also determines how we love others and teach our children to love.
Let's look at each of the love languages - what they are and how they relate to each of us.
Words of Affirmation:
Quality Time:
So once you have figured out your own primary love language, think about your loved ones. Does your husband/spouse light up when you present them with a gift? Does a date night seem to make him/her most excited and happy? What are your children's primary love language? Pay attention to the clues that tell you what makes them feel most valued and loved and then speak that language often. This will strengthen your relationship and make you feel great in the process.
As always, thanks for visiting!
Until next time,
Val
Dr. Gary Chapman has outlined what he sees as the Five Love Languages. These consist of the following:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Loving and being loved is an innate human need. We all need the security of feeling that we are loved, respected and needed. How we were loved, or not as the case may be, from childhood and into adulthood has a huge impact on our self-esteem - what we think of ourselves and how we value ourselves. This also determines how we love others and teach our children to love.
Let's look at each of the love languages - what they are and how they relate to each of us.
Words of Affirmation:
- Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.
- Hearing the words, "I love you," are important-hearing the reasons behind that love send your spirits skyward.
- Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time:
- In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention.
- Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there-with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby-makes your significant other feel truly special and loved.
- Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.
- If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.
- A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous-so would the absence of everyday gestures.
- Can Vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely!!! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes.
- The words he or she most wan to hear: "Let me do that for you."
- Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speaker of this language their feelings don't matter.
- This language isn't all bout the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy.
- Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face-they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.
- Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
So once you have figured out your own primary love language, think about your loved ones. Does your husband/spouse light up when you present them with a gift? Does a date night seem to make him/her most excited and happy? What are your children's primary love language? Pay attention to the clues that tell you what makes them feel most valued and loved and then speak that language often. This will strengthen your relationship and make you feel great in the process.
As always, thanks for visiting!
Until next time,
Val
Monday 4 April 2011
Esteemed or Not Esteemed - That is the Question
Let's take a look at what self-esteem is. In simple language – self-esteem is what we think of ourselves, how much we value ourselves and recognize our worth as human beings. High self-esteem is a good opinion of oneself and low self-esteem is a bad opinion of oneself.
Our level of self-esteem is dependent upon our life experiences. Factors such as how we were parented, our school experiences and the state of our relationships all play an important part in shaping our self-esteem. For example, my parents were authoritarian parents meaning I did what I was told, when I was told and how I was told without arguing or questioning. This type of parenting does not allow for cross-communication which is vital to healthy relationships. Therefore, instead of nurturing self-esteem this type of parenting actually hinders it.
In order for children or adults to gain self-esteem we need to know that we are loved, valued and respected. What we can do as parents is adapt what our parents did well and carry that on to our children. On the same token, we can assess what they may not have done very effectively and modify it for a more positive outcome. Without such a process the default would be to parent in the same way that we were parented thus producing a similar result – lack of self-esteem.
Furthermore, our school years have a huge impact on how we see ourselves and how we feel we fit into society. If we had positive experiences i.e., being a popular student or teacher’s pet, our esteem would be built up. However, if we were bullied or chastised often by the teacher or other adults our sense of self-worth is damaged.
Adolescence is a story of its own. How we perceive ourselves going into it is going to hugely impact our behaviours and decisions. A person of high self-esteem may still find themselves challenged but will often make good decisions and feel good about who they are, how they fit in and where they are going. However, when we have low self-esteem our choices are determined by our need to feel loved and accepted, to fit into society or a certain group. This can lead us in the wrong direction.
How we then move forward into our adult relationships is affected by what has previously transpired in our life experience. Do we easily trust those around us or do we need constant reassurance? Lack of self-esteem, from my own experience, leaves us needing to feel loved and accepted. There are cases where our need to be loved and to feel like we belong overshadows making wise decisions about the relationships we get into.
I encourage you to assess your life up to this point. Have you had nurturing, esteem-building experiences? Find the positives and write them in a notebook or journal. What instances have damaged your self-esteem? Acknowledge those occurrences and determine within yourself to forgive what happened. You cannot change what was, you cannot change other people or their actions but you CAN change how you respond to it and how you move forward.
So how do we help to build our own self-esteem? I’m glad you asked!
Surround yourself with people who are positive and who encourage you to be the best that you can be.
Challenge yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do but thought you couldn’t. You will surprise yourself! For example, I tried skiing for the first time last winter. I quite enjoyed it but I wasn’t really good at it. Did I fail at skiing? No, I succeeded at challenging myself and having a new experience. In the same way, step out of your comfort zone. Even if you aren’t the best at whatever you have tried, you still learned something about yourself, you have grown as a person and you can move on to another challenge!
Help others if you have time and opportunity. You will have new experiences and meet new people. You will feel good about making a difference in the lives of others.
Eat well and exercise to feel good physically from the inside out. Being healthy and strong will also help your mental attitude and image of yourself.
Take time to do something for you like your favourite sport, sewing, painting or a class at a local high school or college. You will be able to take pride in what you have accomplished, thus, raising your self-esteem.
Get something done that is nagging at you. Clean out the closet, write that thank-you letter or visit that friend you’ve been meaning to see (I’m lacking in this area myself). You will feel great about getting it done.
Learn to say “No.” It’s ok to say no when you are already overloaded with things to do. Simply explain that with all that you have going on you may not be able to give your full time and attention to their task and they would be better off finding someone else to help.
In closing, self-esteem is different than self-confidence which I will write about next time.
Thank you for reading and I sure hope you will visit my blog again!
Until next time,
Val
Our level of self-esteem is dependent upon our life experiences. Factors such as how we were parented, our school experiences and the state of our relationships all play an important part in shaping our self-esteem. For example, my parents were authoritarian parents meaning I did what I was told, when I was told and how I was told without arguing or questioning. This type of parenting does not allow for cross-communication which is vital to healthy relationships. Therefore, instead of nurturing self-esteem this type of parenting actually hinders it.
In order for children or adults to gain self-esteem we need to know that we are loved, valued and respected. What we can do as parents is adapt what our parents did well and carry that on to our children. On the same token, we can assess what they may not have done very effectively and modify it for a more positive outcome. Without such a process the default would be to parent in the same way that we were parented thus producing a similar result – lack of self-esteem.
Furthermore, our school years have a huge impact on how we see ourselves and how we feel we fit into society. If we had positive experiences i.e., being a popular student or teacher’s pet, our esteem would be built up. However, if we were bullied or chastised often by the teacher or other adults our sense of self-worth is damaged.
Adolescence is a story of its own. How we perceive ourselves going into it is going to hugely impact our behaviours and decisions. A person of high self-esteem may still find themselves challenged but will often make good decisions and feel good about who they are, how they fit in and where they are going. However, when we have low self-esteem our choices are determined by our need to feel loved and accepted, to fit into society or a certain group. This can lead us in the wrong direction.
How we then move forward into our adult relationships is affected by what has previously transpired in our life experience. Do we easily trust those around us or do we need constant reassurance? Lack of self-esteem, from my own experience, leaves us needing to feel loved and accepted. There are cases where our need to be loved and to feel like we belong overshadows making wise decisions about the relationships we get into.
I encourage you to assess your life up to this point. Have you had nurturing, esteem-building experiences? Find the positives and write them in a notebook or journal. What instances have damaged your self-esteem? Acknowledge those occurrences and determine within yourself to forgive what happened. You cannot change what was, you cannot change other people or their actions but you CAN change how you respond to it and how you move forward.
So how do we help to build our own self-esteem? I’m glad you asked!
Surround yourself with people who are positive and who encourage you to be the best that you can be.
Challenge yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do but thought you couldn’t. You will surprise yourself! For example, I tried skiing for the first time last winter. I quite enjoyed it but I wasn’t really good at it. Did I fail at skiing? No, I succeeded at challenging myself and having a new experience. In the same way, step out of your comfort zone. Even if you aren’t the best at whatever you have tried, you still learned something about yourself, you have grown as a person and you can move on to another challenge!
Help others if you have time and opportunity. You will have new experiences and meet new people. You will feel good about making a difference in the lives of others.
Eat well and exercise to feel good physically from the inside out. Being healthy and strong will also help your mental attitude and image of yourself.
Take time to do something for you like your favourite sport, sewing, painting or a class at a local high school or college. You will be able to take pride in what you have accomplished, thus, raising your self-esteem.
Get something done that is nagging at you. Clean out the closet, write that thank-you letter or visit that friend you’ve been meaning to see (I’m lacking in this area myself). You will feel great about getting it done.
Learn to say “No.” It’s ok to say no when you are already overloaded with things to do. Simply explain that with all that you have going on you may not be able to give your full time and attention to their task and they would be better off finding someone else to help.
In closing, self-esteem is different than self-confidence which I will write about next time.
Thank you for reading and I sure hope you will visit my blog again!
Until next time,
Val
Wednesday 30 March 2011
The Longest Journey Begins With The First Step
What is your first step? Where will your journey take you? Do you have a plan? A dream? So many questions in this crazy thing called life.
I'm not entirely sure where my journey will take me but I have plans and dreams that I intend to work on making happen. Today I took what I believe is the first step in a new direction. I once again stepped out of my comfort zone and into a new element. I created and presented my first workshop on self esteem. In so doing I feel like my experiences to this point in time finally have purpose.
It ain't always easy and in many ways I've taken the long, trying road. Bad decisions, guilt, and insecurity were once the determining factors in how I lived my life. It wasn't until I decided that changes needed to be made, that I had to take control of my life and really create a plan that things started to come together. With that I had to learn that I counted, that what I wanted really mattered and that is ok. I AM WORTHY! There was a time when I didn't feel that and wouldn't have believed it. Now, my self esteem is much better aligned with my self confidence - there is a difference you know! I'll elaborate on that, and many other topics in future posts so come on back!
Until next time,
Val
I'm not entirely sure where my journey will take me but I have plans and dreams that I intend to work on making happen. Today I took what I believe is the first step in a new direction. I once again stepped out of my comfort zone and into a new element. I created and presented my first workshop on self esteem. In so doing I feel like my experiences to this point in time finally have purpose.
It ain't always easy and in many ways I've taken the long, trying road. Bad decisions, guilt, and insecurity were once the determining factors in how I lived my life. It wasn't until I decided that changes needed to be made, that I had to take control of my life and really create a plan that things started to come together. With that I had to learn that I counted, that what I wanted really mattered and that is ok. I AM WORTHY! There was a time when I didn't feel that and wouldn't have believed it. Now, my self esteem is much better aligned with my self confidence - there is a difference you know! I'll elaborate on that, and many other topics in future posts so come on back!
Until next time,
Val
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)